My Life in Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, 1984

Welcome to the extreme nerd portion of our retrospective. There's a theory about Star Trek films: the even numbered ones are better, case in point: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, excepting Generations, First Contact and Nemesis and again, excepting the reboot. Now, in the odd numbers you have Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (completely worthless except for the scene at Yellowstone, Uhura's fan dance and where Kirk wants to ask God a question), then Insurrection. Why did they even make Insurrection? Can someone explain that to me? You may have noticed by now that three is an odd number, so allow me to make a case for it. By the way, you may have noticed that between this and the constant Doctor Who references, I am actually a nerd.

Nowadays, every movie comes in a trilogy. Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, X-Men, well, at least until they make another one and ruin my trilogy theory. Star Trek III is the center of a trilogy. Now Star Trek II ended a little like this:



So, Spock is buried on Genesis, Kirk has a son and the movie ends. Until next time, turns out Spock has left part of himself in Bones and now we all have to go to Genesis in order to reunite Spock with his body, because oh yeah, dead Spock has regenerated and some stuff is happening. So, to make this happen, we're going to have to break some laws. Like really. we're going to have to bust McCoy out of jail and steal the Enterprise because the head of Starfleet said no and chided Kirk because he has a career based on rationality. Dude, what show has that guy been watching? I remember it something like this:



Okay, maybe there was a little less Ke$ha on the original series, but the visuals still stand. Oh, yeah, we're going rogue. I love when the old school Star Trek goes rogue. It's almost a shame they're ever on Starfleet's good side. Also, they are much better at it than the Next Generation. On TNG, it's always, Prime Directive this, can't rescue Picard from the Cardassians, Counselor Troi saying something stupid like, "I sense deception from the Romulans." Well, DUH! If she had done that on the old school Star Trek, everybody would have turned and said "No shit, Sherlock!" Especially McCoy. I got off track, let's go rogue.



Uhura should have had her own damn ship. She is such a badass.

Bad news, though, the Klingons are at Genesis and this causes complications. Like, they want to use it as a weapon, which the Federation doesn't think it is, but guess what? The Klingons are right because this shit doesn't work! Pardon the language, nothing else seemed to fit. Mostly, Kirk's kid screwed it up which you probably guessed from the words "Kirk's kid." This is why you don't try to play God and when you play God, don't name stuff Genesis! That band is lucky they got away with that. Lots of stuff happen as the Enterprise arrives to try to save David, not Kirstie Alley and hormonal Spock. Oh, the Klingons kill Kirk;'s son, but what I forgot is that Kirk actually kills Klingon Christopher Lloyd's dog first, so now I'm thinking he kind of had it coming. So, we blow up the Enterprise, kill Christopher Lloyd in a fight that I'm pretty sure George Lucas ripped off for Episode III. Man, thinking about Episode III makes me angry.

So, we all head to Vulcan to get Spock out of McCoy's brain. What really struck me in this viewing is that in spite of everything, you can genuinely feel the friendship and camaraderie between the characters. I mean, there's Shatner's acting to overlook, but that's never really bothered me. You don't want him playing Hamlet, but somehow this works. McCoy's still my favorite, love seeing him go crazy. I had a clip earlier, but Paramount found it. Also, this is the first one directed by Leonard Nimoy, who directs the next one as well.

So, that movie ends and we get Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, which will end up being my favorite movie of 1986 because something came up.

So, topics for discussion, you're angry about what I said about The Next Generation. You would love to see William Shatner as Hamlet. You have a defense of another odd numbered Star Trek film. You prefer the reboot, don't get me wrong, I do like the reboot. Or you hate this movie, but why? Explain yourself.

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Mr. Mom, 1983

I've got a strange gift for remembering things I watched extremely long ago. For example, if I happen to see an episode of a TV show I haven't watched in easily twenty years, I still remember how it ends. I can also identify episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation withing twenty seconds of changing to that channel and no, I don't use the info button. I'm just that good. So, this film I apparently watched a million times because my mom used it as a way to get a nap in.



Mr. Mom is the story of happily married suburban couple Jack and Carolyn. Jack is played by Michael Keaton, who I see in some ways as the everyman of the 1980s and then he was Batman. Carolyn is played by Teri Garr. Jack is an engineer at an auto plant, Carolyn is a stay at home mom. Now, if you've ever seen a movie about anyone who works for an auto manufacturer, you know where this is headed. Jack loses his job and it's Carolyn who finds a job in advertising first, meaning Jack is going to have to stay home and tend to the kids. Now, I know, obvious setup, but this film really is an examination of gender roles and the differing notions of ego for men and women. It's directed by Stan Dragoti, but the script is by John Hughes so of course the story is fantastic in its interconnectedness and the way he sets up the big moments, like the climax.

What I love most is the way that Jack is so freaking clueless when dropped in the world of suburban moms, no idea what to do at the grocery store (frankly, I have no idea how to do anything at the grocery store except buy Coke, hummus, olives, fancy cheese and pasta sauce.) and the correct way to drop off the kids at school, which if you take away nothing else from this film, you should take away north to drop off, south to pick up. It's also funny in addressing Carolyn's adjustment to life at work, as she finds herself cutting her boss' steak. Also, the soap opera sequence in this film is about as good as it gets. Seriously, it sets the bar for fantasy sequences it is so perfect.

This movie seriously reminds me of more recent efforts about the recession like Jason Reitman's Up In The Air and John Wells' The Company Men, the latter of which I think no one saw, but I saw it at the Austin Film Festival and also saw John Wells there and both of those are well worth seeing. Anyway, that was my favorite film of 1983, let me know what you think in the comments section.

The Oprah Chronicles: Mahogany, 1975

So, on May 25, Oprah ended and it has left a gap in my life. Specifically, a gap at four in the afternoon. In her final season, Oprah did a series of reunion shows for the casts of movies that I've never seen. I meant to watch them before Oprah ended, but I didn't and it's probably due to all the other reasons I've given for being inconsistent before. This is the first one of those movies that I've managed to watch.


Mahogany stars Diana Ross as Tracy, a young woman living on the south side of Chicago, intent on following her dreams in the fashion industry. I know I just started, but a little non sequitur on Diana Ross, I am totally envious of her being comfortable with the giant hair thing, at least how she had it on Oprah. See, my mom has black hair and thus I have biracial hair that I have no idea what to do with and is out control most of the time, hence why my picture is a Mad Men avatar. I wish I could take my similarly large hair and just be like, "Yes, I meant to have it like this." I tried it once, it didn't work. so, Tracy meets Brian played by Billy Dee Williams, a local politician trying to make things better. This is the central conflict of the film: success for self or success for the sake of a cause. Tracy gets sidetracked when she meets fashion photographer, Sean, who figures out yes, Diana Ross is better looking than all of the other models in this movie, which my mom noted as we watched the film commenting that the models of the 1970s were good looking... by 1970s standards. Anyway, Sean whisks Tracy away to Rome where she finds fame and success as a model with the pseudonym, Mahogany. Tracy is frustrated by the inability to get her own designs out and the increasing weirdness of Sean, who I think is somehow closeted and sexually frustrated. I hope I got that right.

Anyway, Brian visits Tracy in Rome and finds the whole thing too weird and also can't escape the notion of his duty to make things better. As Tracy succumbs more to the temptations of life on Rome's fashion scene, she and Brian break up. Then things get weirder with Sean as he attempts to take pictures and drive what I think is a Ferrari Daytona. Yes, I watch too much Top Gear. It doesn't go well, I think you should have your hands on the steering wheel while you drive a Ferrari Daytona. Anyway, car crash, Sean's dead, Tracy's horribly injured and taken in by an Italian millionaire. This never happens to me when I get in a car crash, but then again he wants something else in exchange for making Tracy's dreams come true. Bad news is, though that living simply for herself has made Tracy into a major bitch and when she finally gets her success, she finds it hollow and returns back to Chicago and Brian and a finale that I'll grant you was pretty good even though I didn't find a lot of the film very moving. I'm so off put by 1970s cinema, the style just seems so foreign and this film is no different, with weird camera angles and these striking close ups that are just too intense for my tastes. Every time I watch a film from the 1970s, it's like people are telling me you had to be there to appreciate it. Okay, okay, fine.

And there's the song, which my mom decided to perform along with the movie. It was apparently performed by every middle school choir in the 1970s in addition to being Oscar nominated.


Anyway, what do you think? Did I have to be in the 1970s to appreciate it? What did you think of Mahogany? Does becoming a famous model automatically make you a bitch? What are you doing at four in the afternoon without Oprah?

My Life In Movies Flashes Before My Eyes: Blade Runner, 1982

So, at the beginning of May Fandango Groovers Movie Blog issued a challenge. Pick your favorite movie for every year since the year you were born. Fandango Groovers A Life In Movies

Sounded like fun, but I didn't quite have time to do it and I had to of course, compile a list. So, here's what I'm going to do. I turn 29 (don't remind me) on September 1. So, throughout the course of this summer, I am going to go through my favorite movies from 1982 to 2011 and give you my impressions of them. Now, this is favorite not the best, which will become very apparent at some points. Sometimes I will pick something that was clearly not the best film of that year, but happens to be my favorite and you will just have to deal with that.

Starting here. 1982. The Falklands War, EPCOT opens, I am born and several weeks later my parents take me to see Pink Floyd: The Wall. If only that explained everything. Some other decent movies also came out this year: E.T., Gandhi and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, which almost made this post, but in the end I decided on this one. But that film is still completely awesome.


Blade Runner is the story of Rick Deckard, played by Harrison Ford, who is a sort of bounty hunter for Replicants, sort of doing a whole film noir thing in a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles. Usually, I'm terrified of post-apocalyptic scenarios but this one is okay because there still appears to be Coca Cola available. Anyway, Harrison is out hunting a group of Replicants that have bizarrely come to Earth because Replicants are illegal on Earth and he has to kill them, but it's not supposed to matter because they're not people. Or are they?

So, he goes to the Tyrell Corporation where he meets Rachel, a Replicant who doesn't know she's a Replicant because they've given her the memory implants of the CEO's niece. So, it's like the Ganger episode of Doctor Who with the Library episode of Doctor Who with maybe a little bit of The Island in there. This starts Harrison questioning everything, whether or not they're people and that's the central question of this film: what makes a human being? This question becomes more profound as we follow the other Replicants on Earth, two of whom are played by Rutger Hauer and Daryl Hannah with alternate terror and heartbreak. It's brilliant. Also, can I just mention, if science fiction has taught us anything it's that building/cloning/lobotomizing people/things and making them your slaves is BAD. Hear me, future generations? BAD!

Now, I just rewatched the theatrical cut which is controversial because it has this annoying voiceover that it doesn't really need. Unless you're an idiot. I don't know, maybe you are, but you'd be unlikely to know you were an idiot... There are at least two other cuts I can think of and you can buy a big DVD box set with all of them, including I don't know how many Ridley Scott director's cuts. This makes you wonder what the hell it all means. Last year at the Austin Film Festival, one of the honorees was one of this film's writers, David Peoples was there and at the awardee panel, another honoree, Robert Rodriguez saved me the embarassment of asking about that when he asked, "Yeah, which version is right? Was he really a Replicant?" To which David Peoples said that this film still isn't finished. Which I kind of like, but I can see how that might be frustrating.

Also, you can actually buy the umbrellas from this movie at Think Geek! I am considering it if it ever rains in Texas again.

Blade Runner Style LED Umbrella